How many of you remember Kris-Kross? The duo is most famous for their 1992 hit "Jump", and their fashion styling—consisting of wearing their clothes backwards. I loved them! I remember breakin’ it down at the skating rink. But, because I have been blessed with a big bootie my whole life, I never could partake in fashion styling.
This brings me to my latest “pop-off”-CROSS WALKS. I’m sure you all are so ready to hear what I could possibly have to say about cross walks.
First of all let’s start off with a basic lesson. For those of you who might be scratching your head, or other body part thinking, “gee, what is a cross walk”, let me teach you.
A pedestrian crossing or crosswalk is a designated point on a road at which some means are employed to assist pedestrians wishing to cross. They are designed to keep pedestrians together where they can be seen by motorists, and where they can cross most safely with the flow of vehicular traffic. Pedestrian crossings are often at intersections, but may also be at other points on busy roads that would otherwise be perilous to attempt to cross. They are common near schools or in other areas where there are a large number of children. Crosswalks can be considered a traffic calming technique.
Wait! Did that say “traffic calming”? They are definitely not calming in St. Louis. In recent days I have been almost run down twice, while crossing in a cross walk. No one seems to want to stop, or YIELD to the pedestrian. It drives me absolutely insane.
PEOPLE: the wide-colored lines in the road, or the big yellow sign that says PED X-ING, means STOP, or YIELD to pedestrians that may be trying to cross the street.
Contrary to popular belief, cross walks are not special VIP parking spots, and they are not an artistic impression that the street department placed on the pavement for cars to just run over day-to-day. They actually have a purpose; especially when there are people walking on them.
My all-time favorite is when the drivers actually stop and yell some obscenity, or throw some gesture to the ped. NEWS FLASH: The driver is the law breaker, he doesn’t need to be cursing or gesturing at me! C’mon, pull over and say something to my face. Don’t be a coward and throw it out there as you are speeding by!
So, for the love of God, can everyone just slow down and not to play hit the Prego in the cross walk? Oh, and one other request for those of you working at BJH….Quit parking in the damn cross-walks. I often wonder if these particular offenders think, “hmmm, I wonder why this parking spot looks different than all the others. It must be a special spot only for me.” ADDITIONAL NEWS FLASH: Genius…it’s a cross walk, not a parking spot. Those objects that are walking/wheeling in them are also known as humans. They aren’t plain-clothed valets!
WOW…I love hormones. They rock!
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Beware: The LSRFAA has moved their convention to Target!
For those of you new to my blog, let’s get this out of the way.
LSRFAA= Lazy Scooter Riding Fat Asses Association
**Disclaimer**I am a RN people! I know that there are medical conditions that prevent people from being able to walk long distances, and that sometimes the scooter is medically necessary. But, obesity is not one of those factors! Exercise is good in this situation! I am in no way, harping on those of you who have a TRUE medical condition and are in need of the scooter. OK! Don’t send me an e-mail about it!
For years, I have been the on-site reporter for the LSRFAA convention which is normally held at the local Wal-Mart. However, my sources now confirm that they have already moved their 2009 convention to Target. The following is hot off the wire.
As I entered through those red-double doors, and grabbed my red carry along basket, I was stopped dead in my tracks. Actually I was stopped by a LSRFAA member that had cut me off on her scooter. I can’t be certain, but I can guess that she was probably well on the 300+ pounds side, which would make her a platinum member.
At that moment, I knew that no place is safe from the LSRFAA! I knew it was my duty to get the inside scoop. Her first hard-right hand turn was into the snacks isle. But, those darn Keebler cookies were on the 4th shelf, which would require her to lift the massive fat from her rear end and stand up. But that would also require movement. I stood there in anticipation…would she do it…did those cookies mean that she would exert physical energy to stand up and get them. …………..No. She tried to reach up with her arm, but it wasn’t quite long enough. She settled for the generic brand cookies, which only required an extension of her forearm from the elbow and a grasp from her hand.
I went along my way, walking through the store. I turned into the shampoo isle. I made the observation that people must run out of shampoo a lot on Sunday, because there were a lot of people in the isle. As I politely excused my way through the isle, I realized why the isle was so congested. The platinum member of the LSRFAA was there, right smack in the middle of the isle refusing to move over to one side or the other. I felt the rage, and the pregnancy hormones begin to rage up inside of me. I said, ‘excuse me can move your scooter, sot he rest of us can get by?” You would have thought that I asked her to get up and walk the rest of the way. I was ready to throw down with this lady! She probably could have taken me by the mere fact that she out-weighed me by about 150 or more lbs.
She did finally manage to maneuver her scooter by the push of a button and ever so slight moves of her upper body. I couldn’t wait to get out of there. Target use to be the one place I could go to escape the LSRFAA members. I have been told by a former member of the LSRFAA that the scooters at Target are higher quality, with upgraded option, like a cup holder for their 44 oz sodas.
LSRFAA= Lazy Scooter Riding Fat Asses Association
**Disclaimer**I am a RN people! I know that there are medical conditions that prevent people from being able to walk long distances, and that sometimes the scooter is medically necessary. But, obesity is not one of those factors! Exercise is good in this situation! I am in no way, harping on those of you who have a TRUE medical condition and are in need of the scooter. OK! Don’t send me an e-mail about it!
For years, I have been the on-site reporter for the LSRFAA convention which is normally held at the local Wal-Mart. However, my sources now confirm that they have already moved their 2009 convention to Target. The following is hot off the wire.
As I entered through those red-double doors, and grabbed my red carry along basket, I was stopped dead in my tracks. Actually I was stopped by a LSRFAA member that had cut me off on her scooter. I can’t be certain, but I can guess that she was probably well on the 300+ pounds side, which would make her a platinum member.
At that moment, I knew that no place is safe from the LSRFAA! I knew it was my duty to get the inside scoop. Her first hard-right hand turn was into the snacks isle. But, those darn Keebler cookies were on the 4th shelf, which would require her to lift the massive fat from her rear end and stand up. But that would also require movement. I stood there in anticipation…would she do it…did those cookies mean that she would exert physical energy to stand up and get them. …………..No. She tried to reach up with her arm, but it wasn’t quite long enough. She settled for the generic brand cookies, which only required an extension of her forearm from the elbow and a grasp from her hand.
I went along my way, walking through the store. I turned into the shampoo isle. I made the observation that people must run out of shampoo a lot on Sunday, because there were a lot of people in the isle. As I politely excused my way through the isle, I realized why the isle was so congested. The platinum member of the LSRFAA was there, right smack in the middle of the isle refusing to move over to one side or the other. I felt the rage, and the pregnancy hormones begin to rage up inside of me. I said, ‘excuse me can move your scooter, sot he rest of us can get by?” You would have thought that I asked her to get up and walk the rest of the way. I was ready to throw down with this lady! She probably could have taken me by the mere fact that she out-weighed me by about 150 or more lbs.
She did finally manage to maneuver her scooter by the push of a button and ever so slight moves of her upper body. I couldn’t wait to get out of there. Target use to be the one place I could go to escape the LSRFAA members. I have been told by a former member of the LSRFAA that the scooters at Target are higher quality, with upgraded option, like a cup holder for their 44 oz sodas.
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